Adventures in Online Dating: The Glasses Got Me

This journey as a widow is one that has many twists and turns. My heart has always been one to share the adventures this change has brought to my life. Not as a road map but as something you might relate to or are curious about. We all grieve uniquely and each journey is therefore unique. No comparing but many of us can relate.

So here is my newest adventure...

I wasn’t sure I’d ever dip my toe back into online dating again. After a very traumatic experience, the kind that shakes your trust and makes you wonder if kindness still exists. I was done. Finished. I told myself I’d take my profile down, but I hadn’t quite gotten around to deleting it yet.

About a week later, a message popped up.

My first reaction? Absolutely not.

But curiosity has a way of whispering louder than fear.

I opened the message and saw his face. He looked… nice. Then I noticed his glasses, and yes, that’s a thing for me. He had a look of confidence but not arrogance. He had kindness about his eyes, and when I read his profile, I realized he wasn’t weird on paper. So, I did the brave thing and simply said, “Hi.”

That one word opened the door.

We started talking. Slowly at first, carefully, but the more we talked, the more I felt drawn to him. There was a sincerity in his words, a calm steadiness that felt safe. I learned that he was coming to my city soon for an appointment and to visit family. He told me he was actually thinking about moving back, his mother’s getting older, and he wanted to be closer to help his sister with her care.

We set a time to meet. He let me take the lead in the set up of when and where.

I informed my sister and daughters I was meeting someone and the location. Funny story, a really good friend was going to be meeting a business colleague there at almost the same time. Not planned but it made my girls feel better knowing someone was close by just in case.

The day before we met I did get a little anxious I sent him a text asking " Are you really real? I'm afraid I will be in the parking lot all by myself." He replied "Yes, I am real, and you won't be alone." So the next day came and I didn’t feel nervous or afraid. It just… felt right.

He drove up and parked beside me and smiled. When he got out of his car, it was him. He was real. He was tall, handsome and somehow, the more I get to know him, the more handsome he becomes.

We talked easily, about life, about family and about the things that shaped us. I shared about John, about our life together and how I will always love him because love like that doesn’t end. It becomes part of who you are.

He didn’t flinch, try to change the subject, or minimize my loss. He listened.

Later that evening, we saw each other again, and that’s when the chemistry took over the kind of spark that feels both unexpected and familiar at the same time. It was amazing.

Over dinner, he said something I’ll never forget:

“I want to thank John for loving you so well that your heart was capable of being open to loving someone else.”

That stopped me in my tracks.

This man didn’t want to fix me or fill a void. He wanted to know me, all of me, the parts shaped by love, loss, and everything in between.

He went back to after finding a condo here. He wasn’t moving for me and I’m glad of that he was moving for family. I just get the benefit of the move, somehow, our paths crossed at exactly the right time.

So here we are: the city guy and the suburban lady, navigating something new and unexpected.

It’s early, it’s gentle, and it’s real.

And while my heart still carries John, it’s also learning that love can expand that it’s possible to hold both grief and joy, loss and new beginnings, all at once.

Maybe that’s what this adventure is really about not just dating again, but daring to believe that life still has beautiful surprises waiting to be discovered.

I thought at my age and stage romance and passion were something of the past and I thought I was okay with that. But they aren't a thing of the past they are very present.

So much can come up when we venture out as a widow. We can feel like we are betraying our husbands, but we aren't. Sure I have had pangs of pain, tears and the ache for John. It's part of the process. I don't feel guilty at all. In fact I think John would really like him. Deep down I sometimes I think John sent him to me.

I have not lost myself or given up my power with this new relationship, I've added something I wanted into my life.

I don't know what the future holds and I can't predict the future. I don't want to. I want to be present as the moments unfold. What I know is this feels right and I'm enjoying the possibilities.

This man is much more than a cool pair of glasses.

I will always love, grieve and miss John, even as I embrace this wonderful new man. ❤️‍🩹 One does not cancel the other out.

Love,

Kath