Losing someone we love is one of the hardest things we’ll ever face. And let’s be honest, the idea that "time heals all wounds" can feel like a cruel joke. Time doesn’t heal. What time does is teach us how to live with our grief. It’s not about moving on or forgetting; it’s about finding a way to carry that loss with us.
Have you ever been told you should be over your grief by now? Maybe it’s been years, and yet, a song, a smell, or a random memory brings tears to your eyes. This is normal. Whether it’s been five years, ten years, or twenty, the ache can still be there. Grief is like a shadow—it changes shape, but it’s always there. And that’s okay. Grief is a reflection of love. The deeper we loved, the deeper we grieve. This isn’t about being stuck; it’s about living with the reality that someone who was a huge part of our life is no longer here.
Imagine carrying a heavy backpack every day. At first, it’s overwhelming and exhausting. But over time, you get used to it. You adapt to it. You find ways to adjust the straps, shift the weight, and maybe even strengthen your muscles. The backpack doesn’t get any lighter, but you get better at carrying it. That’s what living with grief is like. The weight doesn’t go away, but we learn to live with it. We find ways to adjust, to balance, to keep going even with the heaviness inside us. Healing isn’t about making the grief disappear; it’s about learning to live fully with our grief. Its really about feeling our lives.
There’s this unspoken expectation in our society that grief should be temporary. If you’re still grieving after a certain amount of time, people might think you’re not coping well. But here’s the truth: Grief is not a problem to solve. It’s a natural response to losing someone or something we love. Feeling guilty about our grief or being told we’re stuck doesn’t help. Guilt isn't something we need to carry, guilt is about intentionally hurting someone and in grief that is not what has happened we've been hurt by our loss. Guilt has no place here. We can feel regret and there are ways to work through that when we are ready. Everyone grieves differently, and that’s the way it should be, grief is about our relationships and our own personal experience. We need to give ourselves permission to feel our grief without judgment.
Grief is our heart’s way of honouring the love we had for someone. It’s a reminder of the bond we shared, a bond that doesn’t just vanish because they’re no longer physically here. Love doesn’t die. It continues to live on in our hearts and our memories. We can keep our loved ones’ memories alive in so many ways. Maybe it’s through telling their stories, continuing traditions they started, or doing things that would make them proud. These acts of remembrance can be comforting and healing.
Grieving isn’t about moving on; it’s about moving forward. It’s about carrying the love and memories of our loved ones with us as we continue to live our lives. It’s about finding new ways to experience joy and meaning, within the pain of loss. We don't "get over" the loss, but we can learn to live with it, to let it shape us in ways that make us more compassionate, more resilient, and more appreciative of the moments we have. Grief will guide us as we move forward.
Grief is a lifelong journey. It’s not something we get past, but something we learn to live with. It’s evidence of the love and the deep connections we’ve had. As we walk out this journey, let’s be kind to ourselves and to others who are grieving. We’re all carrying our own backpacks, finding our own ways to adjust to the weight. And in that shared experience, we find connection and understanding.
Love from,
Kath
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