I am a gift giver its one of my love languages. So I thought I would share some simple things that really matter to me in my life as a widow. Although I am a gift giver I find it very hard to receive gifts both monetary and acts of service. It always has been this way, except when gifts came from John. I loved his gifts they were the best. John was also a really hard person to buy for, he was more about acts of service was one of his love languages. He cherished time spent together. So today I thought I would share a little bit of both types of gifts with you in effort to help you be there for yourself or a friend as they need. Help others as they need not how we need.
Acts of service: (Don't limit this to the first few days check in after a few months or even the first year)
Prepare Meals: This a very challenging for grievers. Cooking and delivering meals can be incredibly helpful as grieving individuals may find it difficult to cook or even think about meal preparation. Ensure the meals are easily reheatable and consider any dietary preferences or restrictions they may have. Tip: Create meals for the number of people in the home, don't leave a meal for a family of 5 for a grieving widow or widower...keep it small and simple)
Offer Practical Help: This is such a gift to a grieving person. Offer to run errands, such as grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, or handling household chores like cleaning or laundry. These tasks can feel overwhelming to someone who is grieving, and your assistance can provide much-needed relief.
Provide Transportation: This one is so helpful because of capacity - grief brain and overwhelm in the first few weeks and months. Offer to drive them to appointments, support group meetings, or any other places they need to go. This can be especially helpful if they are dealing with the loss of a loved one who handled transportation in the household.
Offer Childcare or Pet Care: For a parent or pet owner this can be a thoughtful gift not only to the parent but to the children and the pet as well. Giving their loved ones some special care attention during the early days can give reprieve to the grieving spouse or family member in need. You can take the burden of caring for others off their plate, when they are struggling to care for themselves. Offering to take care of their children or pets can be a huge relief. Grieving individuals may appreciate having some time to themselves to process their emotions without worrying about their responsibilities.
Listen and Be Present: The most important of all in my estimation. Sometimes, the most meaningful act of service is simply being there to listen without judgment or trying to fix things. Let them talk about their feelings and memories at their own pace.
Practical Gifts: to give a grieving person during the early days, weeks and months of grieving.
Meal Delivery Services: Providing meals or gift cards for meal delivery services can be incredibly helpful, as it relieves the burden of cooking and ensures they have nourishing food during a difficult time.
Comfort Items: Items like cozy blankets, soft pillows, or comforting scented candles offer physical comfort and can provide solace during moments of sadness or loneliness.
Self-Care Packages: Putting together a self-care package with soothing teas, bath salts, lotions, or books that offer comfort or distraction encourages moments of relaxation and self-nurturing.
Practical Help: THIS!!! Offering to organize and digitize photos or important documents, or providing help with household chores like cleaning or lawn care, can alleviate some of the practical burdens they may face.
Grief Support Resources: Providing books, audiobooks, or subscriptions to grief support websites or apps that offer guidance, understanding, and coping strategies can be invaluable in helping them navigate their grief journey.
Here are some links to some of the gifts I've given myself and I've found to very helpful as a widow during curtain times on this journey.
A wooden back scratcher (Love this) available on amazon https://a.co/d/082Ga9es
Clinic Lash Power Long wearing mascara (Best ever) that doesn't run until you wash it off. It comes off well with warm water and like tubes off your lashes. If you cry just don't rub your eyes. (I got this and its been amazing when the tears come and they often do) https://www.sephora.com/ca/en/product/lash-power-mascara-long-wearing-formula-P206900?country_switch=ca&lang=en
Hello Fresh (Yum, but can be overwhelming timing and capacity is everything) - meals you make without having to buy or think about what to make (might be good 3-6 months in)I used it for a month and the food was delicious but the smallest portion was for 2 so I got 2 meals out of one dinner. They offer Breakfast as well and always have great discounts feeds up to a family of 4- use your favourite this is just the one I've used and can vouch for https://www.hellofresh.ca/?locale=en-CA
My book The Hardest, Not The Worst Year. A widows story. This is not a how to grieve book I share my story of deep love and profound loss after becoming a widow in my sixties. If you are grieving this book will provide the safety of a compass to guide you on your journey of loss. https://a.co/d/0hPLsPVS
The book The Handy Mom's Survival Guide: (If you like a book to refer to but you search on YouTube how to do anything. If you are feeling in over your head always call a professional.) this book has "Over 200 Handy DIY Fixes for Around the House & More (Not just for women, men can use it too). Its easy to read and follow - but remember for those big jobs call the professionals or in my case my son in laws...there are no pictures but the descriptions are good. https://a.co/d/01TMNLTM
Buy yourself a gym membership - This is specific to your area but helps so much in improvement of mental and physical wellbeing and strength. Ask a friend to be your partner. Hire a trainer who understands grief and can support you best during this process.
A funny coffee mug - As you know my favourite word since John died is the F word. There is this little Canadian women owned company called The Prairie Chicks and I have gotten some of the best mugs here. They say thing I don't have to say - you can read it. Helpful to a widow. This link is to my favourite mug, given to me shortly after John died by a widow friend. It literally says it all for you. https://prairiechickprints.com/collections/potty-mouth/products/i-need-a-stronger-word-than-fuck
Remember, everyone grieves differently, so it's important to be sensitive to their needs and preferences. Offer your support genuinely and consistently, and let them know you're there for them in whatever way they need.
Love from,
Kath
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