The holidays have a way of amplifying our grief. It’s not that we don't miss our loved ones during the rest of the year, but as the world around us lights up with joy and traditions, their absence feels sharper. The songs, the decorations, the gatherings—they all seem to remind us of what was, of who is no longer here. It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but for many of us, it feels anything but.
But what if it doesn’t have to feel so unhappy? What if, amidst the pain of missing them, we make space for something more—moments of warmth, connection, and even joy? These emotions don’t erase our grief; they can exist alongside it. We can honour our loss while still finding ways to embrace the season in a way that feels meaningful, not forced or fake. Your grief, your holiday, your way.
Everything feels different now. The traditions we once cherished might feel hollow or overwhelming. The empty chair at the table is impossible to ignore. And the truth is, we can’t predict how we’ll feel from one moment to the next. One thing we can expect, though, is the unexpected. Moments of joy and grief will intertwine, sometimes catching us off guard. A memory might bring tears, and laughter might follow right behind. Embrace them both—they’re reminders of love and life, even in their wonderful complexities.
Grief isn’t something to hide. It’s a natural, deeply human response to love and loss. The pain we feel reflects the love we shared, and while that doesn’t make it easier, it does remind us that this ache is born of something beautiful.
During the holidays, its okay to review and even reimagine how you might navigate this season. Honoring your loved ones can bring comfort and keep their memory alive. Here are some ideas that might resonate:
Light a candle for them during a holiday meal or on a quiet evening, letting its glow represent their presence. Sit with it and allow yourself to grieve or feel the beauty of their presence.
Share favorite stories and memories about them with friends or family. Listen to others stories. Lean into these moments.
Create a new tradition in their honour—like pulling names out a hat of the people who are there with you this Christmas and write them a love note and give it to them on New Years for a keep sake. .
Hang an ornament or place a decoration that reminds you of them, giving their memory a visible place in your celebrations.
Write them a letter expressing how you feel this season or what you wish you could share with them place it in the tree. Or have everyone write a note on a recipe card and decorate it and hang it on the tree with festive ribbon and hang them every year. These are things you can come back to year after year and add on.
At the same time, grief calls for boundaries and self-care, especially during such an emotionally charged time. Protecting your well-being is essential:
Say no when needed. You don’t have to attend every gathering or meet every expectation. If a particular event feels too heavy, it’s okay to skip it.
Create space for quiet. Carve out time to be alone, reflect, or simply rest amidst the holiday chaos.
Ask for help. Whether it’s leaning on a trusted friend, seeing a therapist, or asking someone to help with tasks, you don’t have to carry everything alone.
Honour your feelings. If joy or laughter bubbles up, let it. If sadness or tears come, let those be, too.
The holidays may never feel the same because the truth is you are not same after a significant emotional loss of a loved one. Grief changes us and the way we experience this season, its different for everyone. As you move through Christmas and New Years, remember to expect the unexpected, to honour your loved one your way, and to care for yourself. Moments of joy and sorrow may surprise you,
maybe, just maybe, there’s room for both.
Love from,
Kath
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